Hike #20 - January 31, 2021

Phew. The Toronto section? Done. This last hike was a 17.7 km out and back, on a grey day, but with great company. 

Also, having hard conversations about loss and grief are great for hiking, because you're outside (so calming) and moving (again, so good) and you cannot make eye contact. We chat about grief on this hike, as it's something that has come up via text and he's not unfamiliar with it. This helps me loads, because grief has become of my daily life. 

We started off at our turn-around point from the day before. From my AllTrails app, I could see that I had hiked thru here with EW on one of our first ever hikes (2019? It's all a blur) but this time it was all snow and ice. I remembered the terrain but I couldn't see the 'puzzle rock' under the snow. I did remember the creek winding along the trail and it's especially beautiful in the winter. 

It's really too cold to stop and take photos but I get a few for ID'ing purposes later. 

Before long we're at the road and thankfully the trail doesn't take us onto the road, but adjacent to it. For some reason this snow feels like walking in loose sand. 

At this weird (and highly unrecommended) motel, we start the road walking portion and it is COLD. My weather app puts it at -15 C with the windchill and I can feel it. I had taken off my down layer when we were in the forest and I want to put it back on, but I also just want to keep on going. 

Before long we get to the point where I left off on January 16th and with that, I'm done the Toronto section. 

When I share this photo with RG later, he asks whether my hair is frosted, or just grey. It's grey. I have acquired a lot of grey (I prefer the term 'silver') during this fucking pandemic. 

We take a moment and then head back. To shorten our hikes and to change up the scenery, we take a side trail back and I get to try out my STP. Success! Wow, it's incredible how much easier it is to slide down my fleece pants, and lower my base layer and underwear, to pee. Standing up! No more looking for a covered spot to drop trou and expose my ass to the wind. Less chance of splash back on my boots. Just an all-around glorious experience. Maybe gender affirming as well? 

It's a bit bitter sweet heading back, as he is going to continue on with the Toronto section to finish it up in two more hikes and we will go our separate ways (for now?). 

We slow down a bit on the return and notice this beaver dam. 

Also, check out this beautiful turkey tail. 

We get to the end so quickly that I don't quite believe that we're at the end until I see that, in fact, that *is* my car parked there. We talk a bit more (I don't want to go yet) but eventually it becomes too cold to stand around and we go our separate ways. 

Later that evening, he messages me about how he's enjoyed our hikes and texts and I said that I would like to spend more time together and ask what that could look like. There's a potential for video chats, which will be a bit harder for me because work has me on video meetings so much, but I make him aware of this challenge. 

There is a part of me that wants to not get attached (see: dismissive avoidant attachment style). With this,  I'm able to focus on building a friendship with someone because I'm not relying on my usual 'you'll do, let's go to my place' approach to dating/relationships. I've been talking to my therapist about this style, how I end up dating folks that I wouldn't necessarily be friends with, because I just hop into bed with them and then we attempt to build something from there. It's not been serving me well. In fact, it's probably been damaging. 

I thought I would take a weekend off (I have my first blister), but by Monday I've decided to start the Iroquoia section, starting in the north end in Milton and working my way south. The challenge will be not having someone to hike with, so I'll go back to podcasts, but I'm going to definitely keep up the quicker pace and make a habit of hourly stops to drink and snack. 

Stats:

starting near marker: 26.5 km

ending near marker: 36.1 km

total hiked today: 9.6 km + 8.1 km (return) for a total of 17.7 km (longest hike yet!)

total Bruce Trail hiked since starting: 133.6

Special notes: I hiked a total of 31.1 km over 2 days. With out-and-backs, I've actually hiked a total of 212.26 km. 

And to think I started off with 9.8 km as an average for the Niagara section...