Hike #41, August 26 2021

Annie died on Monday, August 23, peacefully at home. A week earlier the vet told me she had dementia (along with being deaf and blind) and suddenly all the little things made sense. The night of that vet visit, she peed in her sleep. And then again the next night. It didn't seem fair to her - to me - to drag this out. Much of this decision was driven by the pain of the long drawn out process of my kid leaving me. I could not do that to myself again. 

I took Thursday off and we went on an adventure to Guelph. I spent time with a very old friend while Annie curled up in my lap and slept. We went to a glorious dog park where she waded into a stream, and then paddled in the river. She ate 2 hamburgers in JC's backyard, wandered around his clover filled yard and slept soundly in her car bed on the way home. 

I chose a little cedar box for her ashes. It's beside my bed now. Annie kept me going when N left and now I don't know how to keep going. Or why to keep going. 

So I was pretty fucking raw on this hike. It's good that JC takes the lead, because I had to pause sometimes to wipe tears from my face. I knew I wasn't going to be great company, but I also feel safe in knowing I didn't have to be great company with him. 

Over my shoulder is Old Baldy, where we had hiked on our previous hike. We are literally hiking around the Beaver River, so we'd seen Eugenia Falls on our last hike and this would take us to Hoggs Falls. We opted to hike this backwards, so that we could avoid having to go UP the Beaver Valley ski hill. 

This hike also had some good nature finds, including Chocolate Tube slime mould. 

Also, waterfalls! Including a magical one on a side trail. It's been almost a year since I had a blue blaze tattooed on my leg, to symbolize stepping off the main trail. It also has the words 'Might as well love, might as well live' tattooed over it, and both seem impossible. 

I was looking a little different at the end of the hike. A fine layer of sweat + bug spray + dirt. 

No rush to get home and all my swim gear was in the car, so I changed behind some bushes and drove to Eugenia Lake's public beach. The water was warm, but the air was cold. It was worth it being able to rinse myself off before the sad drive back to a home without Annie. 

Stats:

starting near marker 64.8

ending near marker 85

total hiked today: 20.2

total Bruce Trail hiked since starting: 403 km